Song of Saw
by Lux's Sister
Summary: They caught him. They broke him. He continued to fight. This is the story of what he became.
1. The First Stone

**SONG OF SAW**

By LS

 **THE FIRST STONE**

No one knows where he began: somewhere deep in the jungle, a screaming mess escaping from an exhausted woman, his cries ringing out under the blue Onderon sky.

His father dips him into a basin of warm water and wraps him in a towel, smiling down at him to try and hide his fear from his similarly nervous wife. This is his first child, and he's terrified like all new fathers are. Terrified he can't do everything for his child, terrified he will somehow hurt him.

But apprehensive as he is, there's only one thing to do: hand the baby to his wife and say a prayer to the gods that none of his nightmares come true.

"What are we going to name him?" his wife asks, offering her breast to the child.

The new father hadn't thought much of names the last nine months, but in the moment one comes to him as if whispered in his ear.

"We'll name him Saw. Saw Gerrera."

…

Saw is two years old, and recently he can't fit on his mother's lap. At first he thinks he's just growing, until his mother explains that she's the one getting big around the middle, and why.

"Am I a big brother now?" he asks after yet another unsuccessful attempt at climbing onto his mother's lap.

His mother puts her hands on her belly, exhausted. "Not yet, Saw. But soon."

"When?"

"I don't know," she winces. "Very soon, but I can't tell you exactly when. Do you want to play outside?"

While he plays outside his eyes keep darting over to his mother, leaning on the side of their house and breathing hard, closing her eyes and counting at times.

"Mama?" he asks, pausing the construction of his latest mud pie.

His mother swallows hard. "Saw, come inside. We're going to call Papa, and then you're staying with the neighbors tonight."

He asks the question perpetually burning on the edge of every small child's tongue. "Why?"

"Because you're going to be a big brother sooner than I thought."

…

"Saw, meet your new sister."

Saw turns his head to look at the blanket-wrapped bundle, raising an eyebrow. "She's so little."

"She'll grow," his father says, looking up from scrubbing the kitchen floor, where Saw's mother had the baby last night. "Do you want to hold her?"

Saw nods and his mother sits him on the bed before very carefully putting his sister into his chubby toddler arms, making sure he supports her head.

The baby opens her eyes in slits, but it's just enough that Saw can see what color they are: a steely blue that his mother says might turn into green like his.

"Does she have a name, Mama?"

His mother nods. "Her name is Steela."

"Hi, Steela." She's so tiny and fragile in his arms, and Saw's afraid he's going to hurt her.

As he holds his new sister, Saw has a realization that changes his life.

This tiny person in his arms, the bundle who seems to be regarding him with suspicion, is his and he is hers.

He will do anything he can to make sure she stays happy and safe her whole life.

…

"Saw?"

Six-year-old Saw rolls over in bed and glares at the shadowy figure clutching a blanket in his doorway. "What do you want, Steela."

"Can I sleep on your floor?"

"What?" he groans. "Quit being a baby and go back to bed!"

"But I had a bad dream," Steela begs. "I won't make any noise. I just gotta sleep here."

"Go sleep on Mama and Papa's floor!"

"It's covered in stuff," she whines. "Please Saw? Please?"

Saw flops onto his back, rolling his eyes at the ceiling. "Fine. You can sleep on the floor, but don't touch any of my stuff!"

"Okay," Steela says, happily covering herself with her blanket and closing her eyes, her little hands clandestinely easing one of Saw's shirts under her head to use as a pillow.

Saw decides to ignore it. After all, there are worse things than having your sister sleep on your floor: for example, having your sister sleep in your _bed_ and steal your covers.

…

"Hey Steela."

"Yeah?"

"I gotta sleep on your floor tonight."

Steela rubs her eyes and lifts herself up in bed. "Did you get scared by the monster holo?"

Yes. "No."

But Steela knows better. "I didn't get scared by it, and I'm five!"

"Shut up," Saw grumbles and buries his face into his blankets before quickly checking to make sure the monsters from the holo aren't coming after him or his boasting baby sister.

…

"I think we should give him a chance."

Saw is nineteen and staring at his seventeen-year-old sister, slackjawed. "Stee, are you on drugs?"

Steela scoffs. "No Saw, I am not on drugs! You just need to pull your head out of your blaster and realize that we need to expand our ranks."

"By working with a senator? Not a chance. I'm doubtful he knows one end of the blaster from the other. And a former Separatist!"

"Give him a little credit." Steela puts her hands on her hips. "He might not be a hunter or a trained soldier, but he's smart and he wants to fight for Onderon. That's all you've asked from the others."

"He's too soft. He'll run when the first droid comes at him. And I'll bet anything he'd fork us over to Dooku for a pardon."

His sister leans over him, and for a second he regrets sitting down while she stands.

"He gets a chance just like everyone else," she orders. "If he doesn't work out or he acts suspicious, then he goes. Just like everyone else."

Saw stands abruptly. "I'm the leader here, Steela. I hold the final decisions on who gets in!"

"Wanna run that one by Dono and Hutch?"

His jaw snaps shut. Dono and Hutch are the only ones who've brought up that no one elected him, besides Lux Bonteri of course.

Steela isn't finished. "If you and I know that Dooku doesn't hand out pardons, then he knows it as well."

Saw ignores her and instead sends a glower down the hallway where Lux Bonteri had taken his leave. If he and Steela, two orphans scratching out a living in Iziz, knew that diplomacy would do nothing against the Separatists then he'd expect a Senator to know it as well. But Bonteri's thickheadedness has driven Saw half to drink – the other half would be that Steela's starting to agree with some of his ideas.

She scowls at him. "You need to stop doing that. You said yourself that we need new blood, and look what you do when we get it. You throw it away."

"Alright," Saw challenges. "Give me a reason. Just give me one reason to work with him, Steela, that isn't about morality or politics.

"Lux says he knows a Jedi."

Saw's head turns very, very slowly.

"A Jedi?"

"He has her contact information," Steela explains. "One comm call, and we can petition the Jedi Council for assistance.

He hates the idea of begging for help, but one look at the state of his troops gets him to, for once in his life, swallow his pride.

"Fine," he relents finally. "Get Bonteri and tell him to call his Jedi."

…

"Steela!"

Dono's shout turns Saw's head as if she'd cried his own name, and he walks to the door to eavesdrop on the conversation.

"They're executing King Dendup tomorrow in Yolahn Square!"

 _What?_

"Where did you hear this?" Steela demands.

Dono's answer is quick and concise, like any good scout's. "Malagan Market, the merchants. The Separatists are saying he's behind our attacks."

Steela snorts. "More lies. They're making him an example to humiliate us."

 _Or possibly to make sure we can't reinstate him?_ Saw thinks. _Rash may be a coward, but he isn't stupid, not by a long shot._

Ahsoka says something, but Saw doesn't hear her. As soon as the sound of her voice stops he announces: "We can't let him die. We have to break him out somehow."

Steela looks at him like he's nuts. "No, we should wait until he's in public. At the execution."

 _Him, Rash, and half the droid army?_ "That's where they'd expect it."

"I know, but this is our moment. We'll save him for all of Iziz to witness! We don't have much time."

For a second, Saw wonders if his sister's gone off her rocker. "They're counting on us to show up," he snaps and starts walking out the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Trust me"

But Steela knows what 'trust me' from the mouth of Saw Gerrera means like no one else can.

"STOP!"

The command is so forceful and her voice sounds so much like their mother's, that Saw instinctively stops.

"Let me take care of this," he orders.

And Steela, so much her mother's daughter, replies "This isn't about you."

Bonteri pipes up. "We can't afford a reckless move right now."

He's so tired. Between his king's impending doom, his mother's ghost apparently possessing Steela, and his dislike of Bonteri all Saw can manage is the pubescent "Yeah? Go write a speech about it."

It has the intended effect; shuts both Bonteri and Steela up until Ahsoka says "You have to weigh the risk."

What he wants to say: _I know the risks. That's why I'm leaving Steela here, away from the droids and the danger. I'm going to do this so I can claim my moment in the sun with Steela intact. Take care of her, Ahsoka. She's all I have left._

What he actually says: "That's why I'm going alone."

And with that he walks into the cold, pouring rain trying to distance himself from what just transpired inside. Is Steela sending scouts after him? Probably, he knows Dono's footsteps. As long as she doesn't try to stop him, then he'll let her carry on.

…

Ever since he was little, Saw's dreamed of meeting the king. Everyone has, at one point or another. They've fantasized about the king or the Chancellor or the mayor of their town inviting them for lunch and listening to their ideas, or giving them the grand tour of their opulent palaces.

Rare is the person who finds themselves fulfilling that fantasy. And Saw is, sort of. He meets the king when he descends from the rooftops and rips the head off the battle droid guards.

King Dendup turns around in shock and Saw drops to a knee. "My lord,"

"Who are you?"

"I'm Saw Gerrera," he pulls down his hood so the king can see him; he's heard somewhere it's impolite to wear hats around His Majesty.

Dendup's sigh is almost audible. "What do you want?"

You know a king's spend a long time in court with his people when he believes that everyone who appears to him wants something. _That or he's just smart._ "Your freedom, sire. I'm getting you out of here; the people of Onderon need your help."

"Stand up," he orders and Saw does. "Are you one of the meddlers creating disorder; interfering in the affairs of the throne?"

He bristles at being called a meddler as if he's a villain in a cheesy children's holo. "Only to restore your kingship as the rightful ruler."

Dendup stops, and his shoulders slump. "I see. This was all my doing; I opened the door…"

Ever since he and Steela were orphaned and had to deal with landlords, Saw has learned the importance of buzzwords. The hot water coming out of the broken sink isn't just _too hot,_ it's _scalding._ The wooden front steps aren't just _weak,_ they're _rotten._ More often than not, all he had to do is utter the buzzword and the landlord was racing over with his toolbox before someone got hurt.

And in this case, the buzzword is _Jedi._ So he says it.

It works like a charm. _"Jedi?"_

Saw smiles. "Yes, sire."

All of a sudden the king doesn't look so beaten. "I've been waiting a long time for this."

If this was a movie the moons would be spotlights lighting his ascent to glory while a rousing theme plays in the background and he and the king glamorously rappel out of the courtyard to the rebellion's safehouse. He'd then make an epic speech to his troops, right in front of Bonteri's slackjawed face.

But of course (of course!) the prison has a one-way shield, and he's surrounded by Destroyers faster than he can think _I didn't even get to make my speech._

…

Rare is the time Saw acknowledges that his sister is right. Will vegetables really kill you, like he said? Yup. Did the horrible, terrible, mess-your-pants-and-not-even-notice horror holo scare him, she asked? Of course not!

But while he's hanging in a containment field, stun cuffs locked around his wrists and electricity sparking around him, he thinks _yeah, Steela might have been right about the whole saving-the-king thing._

But now is not the time for regrets. As far as he can tell there are two torturers: a super tactical droid and a man, a general in the Royal Milita from the looks of his uniform. And it may be his imagination, but it certainly feels like they're increasing the voltage every time they shock him.

He focuses on his one goal: Don't let anything slip. Don't give them the means to put Ahsoka and Dono and Bonteri and Hutch and dear god, Steela, in this vile device.

When Kalani asks him a question, he already has his answer prepared. "Onderon … is our system. Not yours!"

As thanks, the droid shocks him.

This attack lasts longer than the rest, stronger and more horrible every second. Saw's body burns as the current pierces his fingers and shoots out the bottoms of his feet, his heart thunders in his ears, and his throat aches. He fails to realize the last symptom has nothing to do with electricity at all – it's because he's screaming.

"Enough!"

The machine powers down and Saw wants to weep the relief is so sweet, but he can't. All his body can do is hang limp, semiconscious.

"We have to keep him alive. He is a direct link to the terrorists," It's the general speaking, the living flesh-and-bone man. Of course his reasons are mundane, but Saw can't help but suspect that maybe, maybe there's a little compassion buried in the officer.

"You pity him," the droid accuses.

"I pity your _ignorance."_ The general corrects, interestingly enough not answering the question. "You can control the people of Onderon, but you won't sustain it against their will."

The two exchange verbal spars, but Saw's too tired to listen. He hangs there numb until two droids sling him down and drag him into a nearby room, where the human general waits at a table.

…

By the time Saw manages to gather his wits about him his head rests in his arms, leaned over on a table. Two meaty fingers press into the side of his neck.

"Hold still," the human general commands, pressing harder. "I need to take your pulse."

He obeys. He doesn't really have a choice, he's so numb and lost in his own body. The general's fingers lift off his neck. "There doesn't seem to be any permanent damage. You're a lucky man, Mr. Gerrera.

"My name is General Tandin," he introduces himself as an LEP service droid places a cup on the table. "Here, drink. It will give you strength."

Saw clumsily grabs the cup and tips the contents into his mouth, some of it dribbling down his chin while the general speaks. "The Separatists have very little compassion or patience for things that stand in their way.

 _Well they'd better work on their patience then._ "We have a duty to protect what's ours, General. A duty once entrusted to you."

General Tandin rolls his eyes and _harrumphs._ "I thought you'd depleted your arrogance with Kalani."

Nope. Kalani didn't even deplete the arrogance in his little finger, but Saw decides not to say that in case Kalani decides to take his fingers. "It replenishes every hour," he says instead.

The general gets off the table and switches tack just as he switched positions. "King Rash is the crowned head of Onderon. What's yours is his, and he will do with it what he pleases."

Saw lunges forward. "Dendup is the true king!"

"Are you following his orders?" General Tandin asks coolly.

He knows that statement's coded meaning: Is Dendup your way of inserting yourself into the great game? Do you have a drop of his family blood to place yourself into his succession, or some dealing to give you wealth and power, or to make you a king and your sister a princess? How many rungs of the ladder are you trying to climb?

And he wants to ask the general the same question. What he wouldn't give for a datapad so he could research this general and his chances of taking the throne now that Rash is on it. But unlike him, Saw doesn't want the throne. He just wants his king.

"We take orders from no one." _I do not care about the throne._

"Aligning yourself with the past does not bode well for your future," Tandin says. Strange for Onderonian nobles, who usually take up their parents' allegiances and enemies. He may be saying _King Rash is helping me, and he may be so kind to you if you come to his side._ Or he's saying _if you don't join, you'll die._

Silver or lead, but Saw knows that sometimes lead can be polished enough to look like silver – and Tandin has taken it. "We share the same future! We can sit here as free men or as servants of the Separatists."

Tandin slams his fist onto the table, which would have made Saw jump if Lux Bonteri hadn't pulled the same stunt hundreds of times. "I am free, while you have chosen to become a terrorist!"

"I'm not a terrorist! I'm a patriot, and resistance is not terrorism!"

The sigil of House Rash is a serpent. It will strike Tandin sometime when he realizes that the silver he's taken is really lead.

"The Separatists have taken over Onderon," he says, "Because we _let_ them."

…

General Tandin comes back into his cell later that night, holding a plate of food.

"Your last meal," he says and sets it in front of Saw.

Saw dubiously picks up one of the ration bars until he comes to the conclusion that if the general didn't poison him with the tonic he won't do it now. "When am I going to die?"

"Tomorrow morning, along with the former king."

 _Could be worse,_ Saw tells himself. At least he gets to die with his king.

"House Tandin," he says. He's going to die tomorrow, so it doesn't matter if he irks the general a little. "You guys sworn to the Rashes or something?"

General Tandin shakes his head. "No. We're stewards, sworn to the crown and not the man wearing it. We advise, we serve, and we protect the people from _terrorism."_

Saw ignores the dig. "What does a steward do when by serving one, he's selling out the other?"

Tandin doesn't answer him and Saw takes another bite of his ration bar. He doesn't want to die – he really doesn't, but he does like the fact he doesn't have anything to lose. He can plant whatever seeds and ignite whatever sparks he wants. If he's lucky, maybe one of them will go off.

…

The execution is held during the sweltering afternoon heat in direct sunlight.

The only organics on the steps of the palace are Saw, Dendup, and Rash, and the sun bakes the droids' metal plating and Saw's binders and makes them searing hot. Rash must be baking under his ceremonial garb complete with gold plates; he keeps tugging at his collar to ventilate the outfit. The scent of perfume rolls off him and makes Saw want to gag.

King Dendup actually does gag, though he makes it sound more like a cough.

"Don't worry," Rash says over his shoulder when they move further onto the steps. "You won't have to worry about your cold soon enough."

Saw wants nothing more than to hurl the impostor down the stairs head over heels and briefly considers it but nixes the plan because the droids would shoot him, and then he'd go down in history as _that guy who tried to throw King Rash down the stairs and got shot._

He goes semi-peacefully down the stairs and his droid guards lead him off to the side for Rash to make his speech. He hangs his head through the smug snake's diatribe, baking in the sun and his shame. Some hero he is. He couldn't even save his king, or even himself from the electro-guillotine.

"Ready weapons," Rash says and Saw forces himself to watch. He owes this much to his king.

 _Onderon will be free, you snake. Somehow, we will._

Rash raises his hand to give the signal.

 _I'm so sorry, guys._

And just as Rash twitches his hand to give the kill order, the crowd explodes.

Saw watches with a combination of glee and fear as his friends throw smoke bombs and charge onto the stage.

The droids fan out to engage them but smoke bombs confuse servos just like eyes. Lux Bonteri pistol-whips Rash right in his smug face. Steela kneels next to the king and orders him "Come with us!" Saw takes a little revenge and slams into Kalani. Hard.

"Follow me!" Dono shouts and starts to run down the steps ahead of the group (with, sweet force, the King!). "This way! Come on, let's go – AH!"

Just then a super battle droid emerges from the crowd and shoots Dono, straight through the heart.

They're surrounded. Steela tries for one alternate way out, then the other. Super battle droids block her every time.

Rash stands, his hand gingerly stroking the place where Lux smacked him.

"Surrender now or die."

As one, Lux, Saw, and Steela all fix him with a look that could shoot blaster bolts.

But Dendup's shoulders sag. "It's over. Do as they say."

The droids force them up the stairs and into the line to face the electro-guillotine.

They all know what it does. They all know that they'll take their turns on it.

Saw forces a smile to Steela. _I'm the big brother. I have to try and protect her, even if we're both going to die._

"Good try, sis."

The Magnaguards force Dendup's head back into the electroguillotine and Rash retakes his position.

"Ready weapons."

The crowd boos and screams. For mercy, for Dendup's reign, for divine intervention.

Rash ignores them. "This snake will not strike again…"

"STOP!"

Rash freezes. "What?"

Saw turns around as best he can, and behind Lux Bonteri he sees militiamen charging out of the palace.

And they're led by the general from the interrogation room. The man who finally realized that the Rash sigil would pump you full of venom and the shiny coin he took was the deadly, poison lead.

"The only snake _I_ see, sire," Tandin shouts, "Is _you!"_

He strides up to Rash, ignoring the droids as if they're mere pebbles, and holds his staff to the false king's throat.

"Traitor," Rash hisses.

"I was," Tandin says and looks over to Saw. "Not anymore."

Saw swells with pride. Because he's done it. His seeds grew. He was the one who taught Tandin about the silver and the lead; he was the one to remind him of what a steward's job really was.

The droids release them and Lux helps King Dendup out of the electroguillotine as Tandin puts Rash into a headlock.

Rash squirms. "What are you doing, general?"

 _Giving you a taste of your own medicine,_ Saw thinks triumphantly as he and his friends rush to their safe house with the King in their arms.

…

Saw's never been so proud in his life. He's back with his friends, they've rescued the king, and he even helped to bring General Tandin and the Royal Militia over to their side.

Even having to share a bed with Lux, who snores, so King Dendup can have his doesn't rain on his parade. Even when they trudge out of the city and to the Nest, spirits are high.

…

Twenty-four hours later and Saw has never been more terrified in his life. The Separatists' gunships tear apart his forces (It's only because of Tandin that Saw gets out of one scrape alive), he hasn't seen Steela, Lux, or Ahsoka since they dropped off the rockets, and he's nervous that they ended up cannon fodder before he and his men tore the gunships out of the sky.

"Last one's mine," he says and shoulders a rocket to take aim at the last gunship, and sends it careening into a cliff.

For the rest of his life, he thinks back to that moment. How he should have waited one more second. How he should have shot it a second sooner. How he should have done anything but what he did.

Because while Saw is celebrating with his friends, he doesn't realize that the gunship crashed into his sister's position until one of the women points and screams "Look!"

He turns around, and his sister is clinging to the cliff's edge with her fingertips.

 _"Steela!"_ he screams, flinging his rocket to the ground and racing to the cliff. How he's going to climb it he has no idea, but that doesn't matter. All that matters is that Steela's feet get to solid ground, and fast.

He's halfway to the base when Ahsoka appears at the top of the cliff and relief rushes through Saw's body.

 _It's okay. Ahsoka has her now, and Ahsoka's a Jedi. She's going to be –_

A gunshot.

And before Saw's horrified eyes Steela plummets from the cliff, screaming the whole way down.

…

Screaming is good. Screaming means her lungs are working; means she can still breathe. But when Saw gets to her and scoops her into his arms, Steela's gone silent.

 _Just breathe. Just take a breath Steela, come on you're tough you can do it just breathe breathe breathe oh god oh god oh god no no no._

 _No._

 _God if you're out there and you help her, I'll give my whole life to you._

 _Breathe breathe breathe come on come on come on._

 _No._

 _NO!_

 _…_

When they travel back to Iziz King Dendup sings to Steela, a gentle lullaby Onderonian parents sing to their children.

 _I love you more than ocean, I love you more than sea._

 _I love you more than anything, how do you love me?_

Saw's never seen an ocean before; only the jungles of his homeworld and the city of Iziz. He's seen the holos of places like Mon Cala and Glee Anselm, worlds swallowed by water, and he's wondered what it would be like to see water stretch farther than the eye can see.

The ocean that Steela will never see.

"Stop," he forces the word through his thick throat.

Dendup does, a confused look on his face. No doubt wondering why Saw stopped his serenade. He doesn't know entirely why either. Steela likes music. Somebody should sing her into the afterlife.

He hears her baby voice, a shouted request for him to sing with her. She was a terrible singer.

He just can't stomach it.

When they get to the palace and the others find a place for Saw to sit down while they remove Rash's body from the throne room, Dendup hums under his breath, the same blasted lullaby he sang to Steela. Saw doesn't want the king's attentions, but he doesn't mind them either. All he wants is not to feel anything anymore.

…

An incomplete list of things wrong with Steela Gerrera's funeral:

Eighty percent of the people there didn't really know Steela. Didn't know how she wasn't scared of monster holos or that she only ate the red jelly beans and gave the rest to Saw.

There was too much whispering in the crowd.

The eulogy wasn't good enough. King Dendup called her a hero, a true daughter of Onderon, but what's a true daughter of Onderon's life worth, if there's no mention of how much she loved her family and friends?

She wouldn't have liked the music.

Saw couldn't find her old friends in the crowd. Hutch and Lux Bonteri were there every step of the way, but the others? The ones who made mud pies with her when they still believed in magic? Nowhere.

There should have been more flowers.

It shouldn't have happened in the first place.

 **And thus begins the story I knew I had to write since I learned Saw was going to be included in Rogue One. This is the first part of three, exploring Saw's life before and after the rise of the Empire. While the first part definitely follows the script of TCW very closely, the other two are more original and will cover the Partisans both before and after Saw meets Jyn. There are just a few more things which have to happen before she can come into his life.**

 **I'll leave you to guess what those are. But until then, please review!**

 **Until next time,**

 **LS**


	2. Beloved

**PART TWO – BELOVED**

 **This chapter contains material which may be upsetting to some readers. So as not to spoil it for those who don't want to know, I have put the full warning in the author's notes at the bottom. If you feel you need the warning, then simply scroll down to the bottom of this page.**

His smuggling days are behind him.

He had a good run with Has Obitt and his circle, and he even got to meet a good family in the Ersos, but he couldn't stand being away from Onderon for long. The planet's pull was just too strong.

So here he stands in a tent buried deep in the humid jungle, some kind of insect buzzing in his ear and a map spread out beneath him.

The map shows his Partisans' locations and statuses. They're not good; they're never good. But this time, they just might be okay enough to do something.

"Saw?"

It's Tysha, a field medic with a sharp tongue and even sharper scalpels, and who Saw occasionally sleeps with after they've both had a fair amount to drink.

"What do you want?" he mutters, his eyes still trained on the holomap.

"I need to talk to you."

He doesn't have time for this. Saw leans further over the holomap, and grunts a response he hopes sounds something like 'I'm busy.'

"Fine. Be that way, nerfherder," Tysha snaps and hurls something at him before storming out of the tent.

Saw looks down to see what she threw at him, and his heart stops. He scrambles to pick it up, looks at it once. He's only seen this in holodramas and the few boxes in the medical tent – that must be where Tysha got this one. But why would she throw one at him?

He looks at it again.

 _No kriffing way._

"Tysha!" he calls after her, following her tracks to wherever she's gone to be angry at him.

…

"Are you sure?" he stammers, his fingers still closed around the pregnancy test.

Instead of answering him, Tysha lifts the bottom of her baggy shirt so he can see the evidence.

Yes, he's sure. "It's mine?" he asks.

She nods, lowering her shirt. "There weren't any others."

He doesn't know what to say. How did this even _happen?_ Well, he knows how it happened, just not when. They used protection, didn't they? He doesn't remember all the time.

"When?" he asks.

Tysha counts on her fingers. "Far as I can tell, it was that time on Life Day Eve."

That one, he remembers. "But I wore a -!"

"And it broke."

Saw flounders, still in denial. "It didn't _look_ broken."

"All it takes is one tiny tear." She leans back in her chair. "Why is the way it happened such a big deal to you anyway? You're not the one who's pregnant."

"Hey -."

"All I'm going to ask is that you help me when I go into labor," she says. "I don't have anyone else who will."

"I can do more than that."

"We aren't together."

"I know," he says quickly. "But pregnancy sucks. You should have someone to help you through it and since I'm the one who got you pregnant…"

"Well, can't argue with that." She sits down on the edge of his bed. "Thank you," she says and knits her swollen hands. "It does suck and I don't want to do it alone."

Saw takes a seat beside her.

"Well, you don't have to."

…

The two of them talk about what they'll do after the baby's born. A cousin of Tysha's who lives in Iziz is willing to adopt the kid, and Tysha and Saw will visit them according to schedule. (Which, Tysha says with an eye-roll, basically boils down to "whenever we're not being shot at.")

That's good. They can't have a baby running around a war zone; living in Iziz with a normal parent and a surname that isn't "Gerrera" is the best name to ensure his or her safety.

He only has one request, if the baby's a girl. And when Tysha hears it, she agrees.

…

He lies awake in bed on one of those nights, nights that are becoming more frequent since they found out she was pregnant. They're different now; they don't involve bottles or a desperate need for release after days when all they want to do is cast salt on every planet in the galaxy and let some other, halfway decent species to take over. Instead they're both sober, and he touches her because he wants to, and she kisses him because she wants to, a tangle of sweaty limbs beneath the blue Onderon sky.

Tysha lies curled in bed beside him, snoring lightly. Saw rests his hand on her belly.

He can't really tell between kicks and hiccups, but he swears he feels the baby roll around beneath his hand as if she knows he's there, or their activities have somehow disturbed her. (They haven't. At least, the thousands of holos Saw's read about it have said they should be fine.)

Tysha's crankier than a rabid fambaa if she doesn't get her sleep, so Saw only sings in his mind instead of humming.

 _I love you more than ocean, I love you more than sea_

 _I love you more than anything, how do you love me?_

The baby can't answer, or even really hear anything but the steady thrum of Tysha's heartbeat. But he does get a kick for his efforts.

Tysha stirs in her sleep and opens her eyes a slit. Saw reaches to stroke her hair.

"It's nothing," he whispers. "Just saying goodnight."

…

The peace shatters in the dark of the night when the ground shudders and jostles them from sleep.

Tysha sits up. "Please tell me that wasn't -."

"Bombs," Saw spits and steps into his boots. "They've been shelling the jungle looking for us, and it looks like they got lucky this time."

Tysha throws the covers off and starts fumbling around for her own boots. "Do you think it's just one of the random strikes, or do we have to move?

Another bomb falls.

"We have to move." The Empire doesn't use more than one bomb for blind strikes.

Tysha succeeds in finding her boots. "That didn't sound good. I might be a little late getting to the evac convoy depending on how bad the casualties are."

"Where are you going?" he demands while checking the batteries in his blaster. "You're pregnant. No combat allowed!"

"Not during a bombing. All medics on deck." She yanks the straps of a pair of men's overalls over her shoulders; it's the only thing that fits anymore.

"Good luck!" she yells over her shoulder, not giving him time to argue.

Instead Saw shoulders his blaster and charges out into the fray to help evacuate his partisans. The unfortunate thing about bombs is that you can't fight them; all you can do is get to shelter, get away, or both.

He looks for Imperial scouts. He shouts out warnings for incoming bombs. He organizes his partisans into carts and onto rupings and daglos and anything that can carry an adult's weight so they have a chance at living to fight another day.

"SAW!"

It's Tysha in the back of a cart loaded with four wounded partisans. Azar is at the reins with one seat open next to him.

And since you can't fight back against bombs, Saw takes the seat.

"How many more wounded do we have?" he asks Azar because Tysha has her hands full.

"This is it," Azar replies and spurs the tee-muss into a gallop.

A bomb falls screaming to the ground, this one no more than thirty feet from their cart. Saw and Azar brace themselves for impact, and with nothing to hold onto the shockwave sends Tysha flying. She slams into the side of the cart with an audible _THUNK._

"Is everyone okay?" Azar shouts once he has control of the panicking tee-muss again.

Saw swivels in his seat. "Tysha?"

Tysha winces and gets to her feet. "I'm fine, I'm fine. Azar, keep driving before their aim gets better."

Azar spurs the tee-muss again and they race away with the rest of the convoy.

…

Saw isn't a doctor; he doesn't even play one on the HoloNet, but he can tell the injuries Tysha and Azar tend to will heal. A broken leg, a series of burns that will leave scars but won't kill, a nasty concussion that leaves the medics muttering under their breath about how much they wish they had a holoscanner, and deep cuts they stitch and bandage and hope won't bleed.

"You took a pretty good hit," Azar says to Tysha while they're recounting their supplies. "Let me check you out."

Tysha bristles and Saw remembers the times when she's muttered the word _quack_ when talking about Azar's medical skills. "I've taken worse."

"Are you sure? You keep rubbing your belly."

"Because there's a tiny person kicking my organs. She _really_ doesn't like bombs."

Azar gives Saw a look as if to say _can I get a little help here?_

Like the moment with the gunship and the rocket launcher, Saw turns this scene over in his head in later years.

He could have said _humor me, Tysha._

He could have said _you are seven months pregnant. Just let Azar listen to the baby's heartbeat._

But everything he's heard says that Tysha knows her body best, and she's a good medic. So he just shrugs and goes back to the tasks of setting up a new camp.

…

"Tysha, you're acting weird. Are you okay?"

Tysha shakes her head. "It's just my back. Like Azar said, it was a pretty good hit."

Saw doesn't buy it. "You said the baby's kicking you?"

"She's settled down now that the bombing's over." She brings his hand to her belly as proof. Usually this gesture is enough to bring him a thrill of joy, especially when the little one kicks him. But now there's no time for joy.

"I really think you need to see the medics."

She snorts. "God Saw, I'm not made of porcelain. I've been knocked around harder by Imps or bombs or dalgos. Do you know how much falling off a ruping hurts?"

He nods in defeat. "Okay. But if anything goes wrong, tell Azar right away. And stick close."

"Yes sir," she fires off a mock salute and goes back to her work. Saw follows her example and lumbers off to check the rest of his men,

They're okay, for the most part. A few of them are nursing bumps and bruises, while other count their weapons and coordinate defenses and such in case the Empire decides to -

 _"Saw!"_

Tysha's scream turns Saw's blood to ice. Without thinking he ploughs back through the tents and tears the flap away.

Tysha sits doubled over on the ground, holding her belly with both hands.

"You're right," she says, her face newly wan and sunken in the poor light. "Go get Azar. Something's wrong."

…

She can't walk so he carries her to the med tent and screams at Azar to help them.

"Tysha, tell me what's going on," Azar demands and snaps on a pair of gloves, completely unfazed by Saw's shouting.

Tysha winces. "I'm having bad cramps and they won't stop."

"Might be early labor." Azar takes Tysha's wrist in his hand to get her pulse.

Saw jumps like Azar lit a disruptor beneath him. "She can't be in labor! It's too early."

Azar ignores him and leans back over Tysha. "Has this happened before?"

She shakes her head.

"How did you feel right before you collapsed?"

Tysha groans and turns onto her side and Saw fumbles for her hands, trying to pretend that it's healthy labor which brought them to the Med Bay. Azar presses a stethoscope to her belly and listens. Moves it, and listens.

"What is it?" Saw asks over the knot of dread forming in his stomach.

Since Tysha's in too much pain to speak Azar turns to him. "You saw it better than I did. When she hit the railing this morning did she hit her back, or her belly?"

Saw racks his memory. "It was the side," he says finally. "She hit her belly on the side."

Azar's lips form a swear word and Tysha falls silent.

"Saw, I need you outside."

Saw obeys and grabs the front of his shirt once they're outside. "Is she okay? Is she having the baby?"

Azar pulls himself free. "No, she's not. I didn't hear a heartbeat or anything consistent with contractions through the stethoscope. What I did hear was what sounded like a belly full of blood."

Saw doesn't hear the last part. "No heartbeat? Is she having a miscarriage then?"

"No. I can't tell without scans, but what I think happened is that she hit the wagon railing hard enough to tear the placenta away from her. It's called a placental abruption and if I'm right, then Tysha is in a lot of trouble."

"But you can fix this. You can fix it, right?"

Azar lowers his voice. "The placenta is filled with blood vessels, and if it's torn then the baby isn't getting any oxygen and Tysha's bleeding internally. It's probably too late for the baby, and the only way we could save Tysha is with an emergency hysterectomy."

 _"Then do it!"_

"I don't know how!"

Saw is silenced.

"I don't have the training to do this. She needs a surgeon – not a nurse, not a medical student, a _surgeon._ And unless you can find one," he closes his eyes. "I can give her pain meds. But that's it."

…

The only doctor Saw knows is Galen Erso, and he isn't even a medical doctor.

There's no way to deliver safely. No way to give Tysha the hysterectomy she needs to save her life.

Instead Saw steels himself and walks into the tent up to her bedside. He takes her hand just like he planned to do when she went into labor.

She clutches his warm hand in her cold one, too weak to give it a bone-crushing squeeze.

"Don't go," she begs. "I don't want to die alone."

"You're brave," he says because he doesn't know what else to say. "You're the bravest person I know."

"I'm not!" Tysha cries. "I'm scared. I thought I was having the baby, not dying!"

 _You have to be brave to bring a baby into the galaxy,_ he thinks. _Especially my baby._

"Is what Azar said true?" She asks and touches her belly. "Is she already dead?"

 _More than likely._ "I don't know."

"I'm so sorry," she groans and squeezes his hand.

"What for? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I'm sorry you don't get to meet her."

"I'm sorry _you_ don't get to meet her. You're her mother."

"I've had her this whole time." Tysha relaxes her grip. "Azar isn't such a quack, I guess."

"You just rest," he tucks some stray strands of hair behind her ear with his free hand. "You've had a long day."

"Don't leave me."

"I won't."

"Saw?"

"Yeah Tysha?"

"Do you love me?" She swallows. "I know we weren't together, but did you ever love me?"

Of every question she could ask, this is the one that almost sends Saw over the edge.

"Yeah," he says and clears his throat to keep himself from bursting into ugly tears. "I love you."

She asks him to kiss her one last time and he does, leaving tearstains on her cheeks.

They stay that way: one hand resting on her belly, one hand twined with the other until she can't stay awake any longer and slips away, clutching his hand and crying that she's cold, she doesn't want to die, she loves him too.

…

He tries to convince himself that it doesn't matter. That everything he said to her while she died was nothing but pretty lies. That Tysha was just some fling who got pregnant and that he should move on because he didn't love her anyway.

As he sits staring at her body, he realizes it's never going to work. He can't take his eyes off her wide lips, lips that were so warm and alive last night in his bed but now feel like they'll crumble under his touch.

Her sturdy shoulders, her wild black hair, the curve of her chest, the slant of her cheekbones. Saw swallows.

"Bye, Tysha," he forces out and bends to kiss her forehead, her skin cold but still soft, still like it was last night in his tent.

When he pulls back, he freezes.

Without his knowledge, his hand has crept onto Tysha's belly, right where their baby grew.

A lump blocks his throat.

He tries to force himself to say something, but he can't. His throat is too tight, the words sound wrong in his head.

It takes him a while to realize there are no words he can say about this.

So instead, where no one can see him, Saw cries his final tears.

…

Lux flies in the day after, while some of his partisans wash Tysha's body and dress her in clean clothes to be buried.

"Saw," he says during the burial. "I'm sorry about her."

"I know," Saw says bitterly, glaring at the headstone someone carved, bearing Tysha's name with the subheading "and infant".

The other partisans keep sneaking glances at him; it was no secret what he and Tysha did after so many glasses of juma. He knows they know who that baby belonged to.

Lux puts a hand on his shoulder. "If you need anything, all you have to do is ask."

…

"Saw, what are you doing?"

Leave it to Lux to investigate the clinking and scraping sounds in the night, leading him straight to Saw kneeling with a chisel in his hand.

"Is that Tysha's headstone?" Lux answers his own question. "Saw, why are you chiseling at Tysha's headstone?"

"Because it's wrong."

"What's wrong? Her name is spelled right."

"I know what we were going to name that baby."

Lux grabs the flashlight from Saw and moves it to illuminate the partially-done engraving. "Oh, Saw…"

"You're not going to stop me, Bonteri. Even if you take me away now, I'm just going to do it when you leave."

Lux considers.

"At least let me hold the flashlight so you don't break it or something," he concedes. "If you're going to do this, you're going to do it right."

Saw hands him the flashlight and continues chiseling. If one good thing has come out of his disaster of a life, it's Lux Bonteri's friendship.

…

Tysha Salazar

21 years old

And infant

Steela Salazar-Gerrera

…

The week after Tysha dies Saw hires a mercenary. His troops buzz with gossip - this is new and it's not like the Saw they know, the Saw who talks about honor and duty to Onderon at the drop of a hat.

Tysha was like that. She did her duty and treated the wounded; she fought valiantly and with honor, and she died.

But when Saw hands the credits to the Lasat and tells him to kill the newest unit of ISB who dared grace Onderon's surface, he doesn't care. He doesn't care about honor, about duty, about anything but Onderon's freedom.

Maybe then his entire family won't have died in vain.

…

It's three weeks after what would have been Tysha's due date – the day he would hold a baby named Steela, and breathe in her sweet baby scent while arguing with Tysha over whether he was holding her wrong – that Saw gets the call from the Ersos.

 **(Warning for description of a miscarriage and subsequent death of a pregnant woman)**

 **Also, if you thought the Partisan OCs' names sounded familiar…**

 **Azar's name comes from** ** _The Things They Carried,_** **referring to a soldier who uses cruelty as a defense mechanism.**

 **Tysha's name comes from** ** _A Song of Ice and Fire,_** **in reference to the first wife of Tyrion Lannister. Their marriage did not end happily, to say the least.**

 **Thank you to Starwarshobbitfics and Guest for your reviews. And speaking of which, please review!**

 **Until next time,**

 **LS**


	3. Fin

**PART THREE – FIN**

Hurry, hurry, hurry!

He didn't get to the cliff fast enough to save Steela. He didn't get Tysha to a surgeon to save her and the baby.

But maybe – just maybe, if he hurries – he can save the Ersos.

 _You owe me this much,_ he tells the universe as he makes the jump to hyperspace. _You took my sister, my girlfriend, and my daughter. You owe me this one family._

Saw finds Lyra Erso's body when he lands on Lah'mu. Galen is nowhere to be found, and he knows what that means, but there's still a chance. The only footprints he finds are adult-sized, in no way small enough to abide a little girl.

He makes his way into the cave, keeping his eyes peeled for Stormtroopers and stifling the nascent hope he sees when he sees the panel he and Galen Erso disguised as a boulder still tightly closed.

He pulls up the panel with an impossible hope in his heart and light floods into the chamber.

A child's head snaps up at the sound and the light, a dying lantern clutched in her hand. The light catches the flecks in her eyes.

 _Galen's Stardust._ Saw's heart soars.

"Come, my child." He beckons, his heart pounding with victory. "Come!"

Finally, he's there in time.

...

Once Jyn realizes who it is she climbs the ladder and spills out of the bunker with all her possessions forgotten. Saw scoops her up.

"Are they gone?" Jyn whimpers into his shoulder.

"For now, but they'll be back." He sets her down but still keeps ahold of her hand – he needs to be sure she doesn't run off. "We need to go now."

They rush out of the cave as fast as Jyn's little legs can carry her, each one of Saw's steps equaling two of hers. He makes sure that their path to his shuttle cuts Lyra Erso's final resting place a wide berth. Whether or not Jyn witnessed her mother's death, she doesn't need to see her body.

"You're my copilot," he says and hoists her into a seat. "Don't touch any of the controls, just tell me if you see any Imperials."

"Okay," Jyn agrees and fixes her eyes on the viewport ahead. Saw fastens his restraints, checks to make sure Jyn fastened hers, and takes off.

…

"You hungry?" he asks and hands her one of the ration bars he stocks on his shuttle. It's not the most appetizing thing he could offer an eight-year-old, but he can't imagine Jyn ate while she hid in the bunker and if he remembers anything from Tysha reading her baby holobook aloud, the only the thing worse than an overtired child is a hungry _and_ overtired one.

Jyn takes the bar and chomps off a wolfish bite. Saw doubts she even tastes it, which is probably a good thing.

"Where are we going?" she asks between bites.

"Do you remember when I brought you and your family to Lah'mu and you asked about going to my home planet?"

"Are we going there?"

He nods. "Jyn, it's not a nice place. There are no other kids, no toys to play with, and sometimes the Empire comes and attacks us."

Jyn ignores him in favor of wolfing down the ration bar and he continues. "The Empire attacks and people die. People will die while you're there."

"I understand," she says and smooths the wrapper from the ration bar. "I still want to go."

He has no clue what he's going to do with her. He has no family to send her to. The thought of enlisting the aid of Tysha's adoption-minded cousin crosses his mind but he nixes it. A newborn can be explained away as an unexpected pregnancy or a foundling on a doorstep, but an eight-year-old girl? Eight-year-olds have pasts and backstories and records that Tysha's cousin can't explain away.

Besides, he has no right to ask her to do this after the sterile letter he sent telling her how Tysha and the baby died. He had to copy it over three times until he managed not to get any tears on it, and a protocol droid could have done a better job. He should have asked Lux to help him with it; he was always good with words.

Jyn puts the wrapper on the nearest console, turns in her seat and confirms "I want to stay with you."

"You will," the words pop out of Saw's mouth for some reason. "Go into the back and take a nap. It's the middle of the night, Onderon time."

She unbuckles her restraints and obediently plods off to the back of the shuttle where he assumes she'll stretch out on one of the benches. _I've fed her and got her to rest; that's a start at least. Now I just have to figure out what in the name of the force I'm going to do with her in a war zone. There are no families for her to play with, no school for her to learn her letters and numbers…_

 _Numbers._

Galen Erso was a genius crystallographer and a dedicated father. At eight years old, Jyn has probably learned her numbers, as well as basic math.

An idea pops into Saw's head.

…

"How high do you know your numbers?"

"As far as they go," Jyn answers, her head craning around so she can get a better look at a tee-muss tied to a stake.

Saw gently tugs on her hand to get her attention. "So you can count to a hundred without any problem?"

"To a thousand."

Even better. "And you can write the numbers down?"

The look she gives him says _of course I can, I'm not a baby._

That's perfect. He takes her to one of the supply tents and pulls back the flap.

"Tivik, I brought you some help."

Tivik turns around with datapad in his hand. "I'll take any you send my – a kid?"

Jyn shrinks back a little and Saw places a hand on her back. "Tivik, meet your new assistant. She's told me she's a good counter."

Tivik's jaw drops. "Is she yours?"

For a second Saw thinks of answering in the affirmative – the whole camp knows he already fathered one child – but he nixes the idea. "She's a friend's, and she's the best help we could ask for. Name's Jyn."

Tivik probably doesn't believe him entirely but he shrugs because like Saw predicted, he also doesn't want to count all the supplies on his own. "Fine by me. Jyn, grab a piece of flimsi and start counting blaster cartridges."

…

At the end of the day Jyn hands him a flimsi and he takes a good look at the numbers.

"Did you have any issues counting?" he asks while still keeping his eyes on the flimsi.

"No," Jyn plops onto his bed. "It was easy and Tivik taught me how to play sabaac."

Saw makes a mental note to make sure she doesn't get involved in some of the sabaac games with the other partisans. "Did you bet anything?"

"Cartridges," she replies, shelling off her shoes and squirming under the blanket. "We had to put them back though."

"We need all the cartridges we can get to fight the Empire," he agrees and tucks her in. He figures he can sleep on the floor tonight if she's so set on having his bed. Instead he snags his pillow, tucks the one Tysha used to use under Jyn's head, and drops to the floor.

She leans over the side of the bed. "Can I count with you tomorrow?"

"Why? Is Tivik giving you trouble?"

"No. I just like you better."

He makes sure she doesn't see his expression. "Sorry Jyn, but I'm busy with other things."

"Oh." Jyn shifts in bed and mumbles "Goodnight, Saw."

When he wakes up in the middle of the night from the same nightmare he's had since he put Steela in the ground, Jyn Erso lies snuggled next to him, her little head using his chest as a pillow. He doesn't fashion himself as very cuddly, but she's sound asleep all the same.

Saw smiles and loops his arm around her as he drifts off, so when she wakes up she knows he saw her.

…

Through the years Jyn graduates from counting weapons to moving them in the convoys, to using them on the battlefield. Her lessons turn from the alphabet and numbers to basic battlefield practices, how to bind a wound, and how to tell a liar from the twitch of his eye.

Through the years the rumors about Jyn graduate from merely annoying to dangerous.

When she first arrived on Onderon people whispered that Jyn was his, and he'll admit they have reason. He did get Tysha pregnant, what would keep him from seeing other girls?

 _I heard her mother was a Beast Rider girl, only fifteen years old when she had the child._

 _I heard Saw gave some Iziz prostitute fifty credits for a good night and ended up with a baby._

 _I heard her mother was a noblewoman who had to go hide away in shame._

But as Jyn grows so does the evidence that Saw isn't lying when he says she isn't his. And when they get to Jedha the rumors become more accurate.

 _I heard she's a noble from an ancient Onderonian house, and Saw plans to crown her once the Empire falls._

 _I heard she's a slave on the run from the mines._

 _I heard she's an Imperial officer's daughter._

It's the last one that scares Saw to the core. Because some day Jyn will snap back so she doesn't have to listen to the whispering anymore, and she'll confirm it. And then goodness knows what those in earshot will do to her.

Not even Saw's influence could stop them if they knew. So in the days leading up to the day he makes the third greatest mistake of his life, he fills a pack.

A knife.

A loaded blaster.

Some rations and a water bottle.

It's an easy thing to say, on the surface.

"Stay here until I come back for you," he says and hands her the pack.

Jyn shoulders it and slinks down against the wall of the bunker. "Are you sure you don't want me to cover your back?"

She's sixteen now, and his best fighter. She's sure-footed and brave as Steela, quick as Tysha, and just like them she's doomed if she stays with him. But she has something else, a steeliness in her soul that he planted there to make sure she could survive on her own.

If she stays, his men will kill her. If she stays, he'll look weak. If he looks weak, the dream dies.

"I'm sure." He climbs out of the bunker and forces himself not to look back. If he looks back, Jyn might realize that something's going on.

He leaves her in the bunker along with the last shreds of his heart.

…

Years later he makes the fourth decision he regrets, big time.

He wasn't supposed to go back to Geonosis after he left with Phoenix Squadron. But he's never been one to leave a task undone.

He takes a team beneath the surface, all of them wearing helmets but him. In his mind, helmets restrict your peripheral vision. Their mission is simple: take the canisters of insecticide back to the Alliance and give them the proof they need.

It's foolproof, unless falling debris cracked the canisters long ago and once they're freed from the boulders, so is the gas.

Green poison billows from the container, and all at once Saw's lungs are on fire.

"Azar," he gasps, trying to expel the stuff from his lungs and his voice filled with all the desperation in his men's when they collapse. _"Azar!"_

The last thing Saw sees before the blast takes him is Azar and Tivik grabbing him under the arms and dragging him away.

…

"Wow Saw, you really did it this time."

"What did you expect? He's been doing it ever since he was a kid."

Saw recognizes that voice.

He forces his eyes open through the hellstorm of pain, blinking to make out two women against a bright background. One of the women crosses her arms and looks at him disapprovingly.

The other has her hands buried in his chest.

Saw sputters. "Tysha?"

"Who am I?" the standing shadow cries. "Chopped liver?"

Now he can see her clear as day – Steela, her arms crossed and her annoyance at being passed over apparent.

They're back from the dead.

"No," Steela corrects and Saw realizes he's spoken aloud. "We're not back from the dead. You're about to be dead."

"Not if I have anything to do with it," Tysha grunts and moves her hands in his chest. Saw doesn't know if it's because of the shock or wherever they are, but it doesn't hurt. "I don't want to up the number of patients I've lost after I'm dead."

He opens his mouth to say something but words fail him. This is new. He usually has a smart-mouthed comment raring to fly free from his lips at all times, but now - well, who could blame him?

Tysha snorts in frustration. "Who's working on you back in the land of the living? Azar?" When Saw doesn't answer because his mouth is still hanging open, she answers her own question. "It has to be Azar. Nobody else would do this."

With Tysha occupied, Steela leans over him.

 _"I am going to kriffing kill you,"_ she hisses. "I don't care if you die in two seconds or two centuries, I'm going to string you up by your toes and beat you with a stick. You held a gun on the last Geonosian egg?"

He stammers. "I-It was a matter of the rebellion's success."

"I thought you were above threatening unborn children. I thought you were above genocide." Steela snaps. "And I also thought you were above torture. Are you serious, Saw?"

Saw flushes. "The Empire was doing something on Geonosis and that bug knew what it was!"

"You found out what is was anyway," Steela crosses her arms. "The Separatists tortured you during the Clone War; you know what it's like and you inflicted it onto another being. I thought you were better than this!"

"Thought?"

"Yeah, thought." She sighs. "I guess I was wrong."

"You thought I wouldn't do anything it takes to bring down the Empire? To bring freedom to Onderon and all the other planets it's suffocating?"

"I thought you were the person who held me in his arms when I fell off that cliff. I thought you were the person who brought General Tandin to our side with words, not violence. Basically I thought you were still my brother, and now I'm not sure anymore."

Saw glares at her but he's stopped when pain tightens his chest like a vice. He digs his fingers into his legs to keep from screaming.

"Finally, they got it," Tysha mumbles, ignoring his sudden distress. "Yes, Azar, Geonosian insecticide works by eating at the lungs. You have to reinforce them."

A baby's cry comes from somewhere. Steela cranes her neck. "Hey Tysha…"

"Would you pick her up?" Tysha quips. "I'm a little busy here."

"Gladly." Steela takes a few steps to the left and bends over a cradle. (How did he miss the cradle?) She straightens up with a bundle in her arms.

"Steela," Saw gasps and strains to see the bundle. "Steela, bring her here."

"With Tysha working on you? Not a chance." Steela smiles at the bundle. "Anyway, my niece likes me. She's so cute."

"And change that gravestone," Tysha says almost as an afterthought, threading a needle. "I didn't name her Steela. It would've gotten too confusing."

"What did you name her?"

"No time," she says, sweat gleaming on her brow. "Look Saw, I'm not going to lie to you. The damage is extensive, but it looks like they're going to try something. Depending if Azar has brains or not, it'll help save your life or it will kill you. Get ready."

"Wait," he tries to sit up, but one look from his sister stops him in his tracks. "Let me see the baby. Tysha!"

Tysha doesn't listen.

…

Saw wakes up with the mother of all headaches, a life support system for lungs and cybernetic legs, so it turns out the doctors and Tysha's meddling saved his life.

But could anyone have saved his mind?

It may be the insecticide. It may be his encounter with his dead family. It may be the never-ending war pressing in on him. But the moment he has with Steela, Tysha, and the daughter whose face he couldn't see is the last clear one.

His final years are a blur of explosions, gasping breaths, and paranoia with sprinkles of betrayal. Lies sniffed out by Bor Gullet, tiny victories that he doesn't celebrate anymore, and the crushing hopelessness when he sees the kyber shipments leave Jedha.

It's like he tells Jyn when, wonder of wonders, she arrives on Jedha. There's not much of him left.

But there's still a very little.

…

No one knows where he ended: standing strong facing the destruction of Jedha, sucking in his final rattling breaths through lungs filling with fluid, both wishing that it isn't and embracing that it is the end. He learned a long time ago that there will always be another fight calling for him, but although the call of duty rings strong in his bones, it's drowned out by the other song – the song of Saw, the weathered and tired man who begs for respite in the deepest part of himself.

As he slips he sees the dead dance before his eyes. His parents and Steela, Hutch, Dono, all his men, Tysha – and even Jyn Erso, who he knows is flying away from this grave of a planet and into the safety of space.

He sees Onderon – the jungle and the blue sky, the rupings and fambaas and dalgos, the city of Iziz in the distance, and the gravel under his feet.

Saw blinks, and looks down.

He has feet.

His hands fly to his throat and _yes, yes_ his medical equipment is gone. His joints no longer creak with premature aging, his hands are smooth and welcoming rather than the callused messes they were and his mind is crystal clear, free from the paranoia of his final years and the insanity chipping away at his soul.

He is young once more.

And wherever he is, he feels in his bones that he has seen the end of war.

Saw stands there a while, drinking in the glory of youth and health and peace.

"Daddy!"

A child races from the fuzzy edges of wherever he is, four years old at the most and with her hair styled in two little puffs at the top of her head. Saw gets down on a knee mostly out of habit and holds his arms open. He expects the child to run straight through him or to duck around him to her daddy because there's no way, there's no possible way this adorable little one is…

 _"Daddy!"_

The girl runs smack into Saw and she's there, so solidly wonderfully there in his arms.

She wraps her arms around his neck.

"Daddy, you're home."

…

With his daughter riding on his shoulders, he makes his way to the others.

Steela, talking and laughing with Dono.

King Dendup and General Tandin, sitting and watching the scene with smiles on their faces.

Tysha, calling for her daughter.

Tivik, cracking what's no doubt a crude joke.

Jyn and Galen and Lyra, hugging each other as if they'll be separated again.

All so happy. All so peaceful. It's been so long since he felt those things he doesn't remember what it's like.

"Are you ready, Daddy?" his daughter asks and reaches one hand down to grab his.

He takes a deep breath and closes his hand around hers.

"I think so," he says and steps forward into the cheers and the arms of all those he loved.

And for the rest of eternity, Saw Gerrera feels peace as he dances with his daughter, his friends, and his sister, somewhere far beyond the blue Onderon sky.

 **It may not have been the happiest story, but it's a happier ending.**

 **Thank you to Starwarshobbitfics for your review. And speaking of which, please review!**

 **Until next time,**

 **LS**


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